I'm amazed it didn't happen sooner, but the Eurovision Song Contest has finally collapsed under the weight of its own cheesiness. I remember watching it when I was a kid and back then Ireland used to win all the time, but I still thought it was crap. It's like the Olympics, but with only Europe instead of the whole world and with shitty ballads and pop songs instead of running and jumping and the like.
This year the Finnish entry, Lordi, took home the gold, or the trophy or whatever and they're touting it as a victory for metal fans everywhere. Now that would be true, because as I said the Eurovision has typically been about who can come up with the sappiest crooner (Ireland) or the sexiest lip-syncer (Sweden or Greece), but Lordi are about as metal as Creed. They're a bunch of D&D nerds in monster costumes playing some of the most ridiculous music I've ever heard. They're as hard as Camembert on a hot day and the resemblance doesn't stop there.
Their winning song is called "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and contains such gems as "it's the A-rock-alipse," and "the day of rock-ening." I think they envision themselves as a sort of Rob Zombie-Kiss fusion, but the problem is that, as much as I hate to say it, both Rob Zombie and Kiss have at least an iota of musical talent. Lordi is a high school band that was in the right place at the right time and have ridden a wave of anti-Eurovision sentiment to the very pinnacle of mediocrity. But don't take my word for it, watch the winning song...
Czechs and Balances?
Some days I'd like to post but nothing seems worth talking about, and then there are days like today when I am compelled by the news to post on multiple topics. I will begin with the most interesting development in Czech politics since Václav Klaus succeeded Václav Havel as president - namely a fistfight. Sweet eh? Apparently Czech dentists are a fiery bunch and during a recent debate/address to a group of such dentists, current presidential advisor, former deputy prime minister, dentist and full-time right-wing brawler Mr. Miroslav Macek took it to the next level by cracking the Czech health minister, Mr. David Rath on the back of the head. What was Mr. Macek's role in this supposed debate you ask? He was the moderator. Brilliant. Halfway through his opening address he left his podium and cracked the health minister upside the head. Then he returned to the podium as if that would be the end of it. The understandably stunned Mr. Rath got up to leave, then thought better of it, walked up to the podium and called Macek a coward. True to form, Macek started throwing haymakers and the rest, as they say, is history. Afterwards Macek explained that the initial slap was because Mr. Rath had said something about Macek's wife. Seriously though, this is two weeks before the elections. Two weeks. Just so you can get a feeling for the magic of this whole exchange I've included a pictorial (and quite literal) blow-by-blow. Here ya go buddy, that's for talkin' shit about my wife... Oh no you di'int... You want some of this? You wanna go bitch?You asked for it you prick dentist fucker. My tiger-style will defeat your dragon-style...
For those of you who haven't caught on to the fact that internet explorer is possibly the worst browser in history, you may not have noticed that The Stusie has included a video clip on the right hand side of the screen for several weeks now. Using Firefox it's exaclty where it's supposed to be, but with IE the whole sidebar is relegated to the bottom of the page, so to notice it you'd have to scroll to the very bottom. If you haven't noticed it, I encourage you to do two things: (1) scroll down there and check it out, and (2) switch to firefox - it's more stable, less suseptable to viruses and updated more often. This little video gem came over the ol' interweb this afternoon, and it's not to be missed, so I thought I'd put it right up here at the top. Turn the speakers on for this one folks, and prepare to enjoy the hell out of the next 6 minutes.
I bet you thought Nintendo scrapped the whole 'we-should-come-up-with-a-way-to-make- dorito-eating-couch-dwelling-video- game-freaks-skinny-again' thing with the less-than-glorious fall of the Power Pad. Well, you were a 'Wii' bit wrong, because Nintendo's latest is a two handed controller with motion sensors. Yup, no more just pressing 'A' and watching your little marioesque tennis guy smashing a perfect overhead. Now youse gotta hit the ball yourself, you pathetic loser. By swinging the pictured suspicously-similar-to-the-original-Nintendo right hand controller (that's right, lefthanders, see you in hell) fast or slow, angled up or down, you can hit a hard or soft topspin or backspin ball over the net. Sounds straightforward enough, but I have just one question: if you're going to spend your precious 8 hours per day normally spent shootin Nazis/non-white terrorists and summoning magic whatnot on various hobgoblins and archmagi etc., instead mastering the precise movements of the new Wii controller, why not get the hell out of the house with some of your other hypernerd friends and play some bloody tennis. Maybe you'll look more human, too, after exposing your albinised skin to that big yellow orb called the sun. The only thing I could think about when I read this article was that after toing (sp?) the line for years, the video game industry has finally gone too far. Our society is ill enough with cell phones, Hummers and Robbie Williams. What is somehow sick and ironic about playing tennis on the new Wii is that it takes these disturbed pixel-addicts tantalyzingly close to becoming a member of a healthy active community. But lo, you would never be able to get that hot girl on the screen to ever play tennis with you in real life, because you're still a loser sitting in front of a flat screen that you just spent a months' McDonald's pay on. Congratulations, you're hip...you're with it, you've got the latest in gaming technology.
Hey all, I also haven't had a chance to check this site out, but I thought I'd post it up here so all could take a look and see if this might work out. So here it is...the Root River! From experience I can say that it is a good mix of nature and civilization. There are places where we could potentially dock the canoes and walk to a town to have lunch and raise some hell, or we could just stay on the river and camp in random places. The last time we went we just stopped at a big sandbar and that was that. Let me know what you think!
Git-wizard David Blaine is at it again. This time he's chosen to wow his knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing fans by staying underwater for seven days. He's in a giant aqua-sphere in front of New York's Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts and he's trying not to shit the tub. At the end of it all he'll attempt to hold his breath for 9 minutes to break the current world record for world's biggest chauch. In my mind, he's already done it.
I'm amazed it didn't happen sooner, but the Eurovision Song Contest has finally collapsed under the weight of its own cheesiness. I remember watching it when I was a kid and back then Ireland used to win all the time, but I still thought it was crap. It's like the Olympics, but with only Europe instead of the whole world and with shitty ballads and pop songs instead of running and jumping and the like.
This year the Finnish entry, Lordi, took home the gold, or the trophy or whatever and they're touting it as a victory for metal fans everywhere. Now that would be true, because as I said the Eurovision has typically been about who can come up with the sappiest crooner (Ireland) or the sexiest lip-syncer (Sweden or Greece), but Lordi are about as metal as Creed. They're a bunch of D&D nerds in monster costumes playing some of the most ridiculous music I've ever heard. They're as hard as Camembert on a hot day and the resemblance doesn't stop there.
