The StuSie: Schifoan, anyone?

Dienstag, Oktober 25, 2005

Schifoan, anyone?

Here's a little tidbit for those 200-some odd countries that don't give a rats patoot about world cup skiing. We Austrians and quasi-Austrians love watching skiing on television (whether we like it or not), mainly because there are two Austrian channels creatively named Österreichischer Rundfunk Eins und ORF2, and in nearly 14 months spent in Austria I have yet to see a program on the latter that wasn't either live coverage of parliament (seriously, what could they possibly be debating?), New regulations on Lederhosen length or a Ziehharmonika contest. Long story short, if the weather sucks on the weekend, we have no choice but to familiarize ourselves with the likes of Hermann Maier (a.k.a. the Herminator), Benjamin Raich (not to be confused with Reich), and of course our American hometown hero, Bode (pronounced Bodee) Miller!
Upon arriving in Austria, I was quizzed about my Bode Miller knowledge, and as you might expect it was nil. It turns out that he's a pretty decent skier from Vermont, or one of those other little tiny states over there, and he actually managed to dethrone the Austrians last year in the World Cup. Needless to say, Bode is now a superstar in Austria while remaining completely unknown in the good ol' US of A, where we idolize more interesting sports stars like Bart 'the pill' Farve and Jesse 'the Body' Ventura. Fighting against Bode is a host of Austrian stars that capture the hearts and minds of all Austrians (even those city folk in Wien), a titan of a Mannschaft that masters the technique and mechanics of skiing to the tiniest detail while the pesky American always finds a way to improvise his way down the slope.
This weekend, the 2006 ski season began with a bang at Hochsölden, a glacier in Tyrol. The jubilant crowd hoped that someone would finally reassert Austrian superiority in the Giant Slalom as Miller raced to the best time in the first run. Hopes seemed to be dashed...but hark...who lurks in the background, with his ape-like brow and forceful Austrian bellow? It's the Herminator! Back from injury for the hundredth time, skiing through the pain, and racing to a tearful first place finish in the first race of the year! Hip hip hoor...ok, who am I kidding, nobody cares anyway, so just watch the fucking olympics in Turin and call your skiing viewership good for the next four years.